Alone Time

I would say that I am an out going person. I like to talk and mingle with people and get to know who they are and how they tick, but this last week, being in a small town surrounded by nothing but trees and a wide open lake, I have felt nothing but alone.

During the school year in St. Paul, it was fun being in the cities, always having something to do and explore. Although there were times that I did need my time to be away from the chatter and sound of cars and go back to my small town in the woods where I felt silence. Don't get me wrong I love being home where all I can hear is birds chirping and boats buzz by on the lake, but I've realized lately how alone I've felt and in a sense, empty.

Last night I sat on my bedroom floor attempting to work on homework for my summer class but failed. My mind was turning and I was filled with emotion, bitterness and loneliness. I cried and picked up my Bible and just asked God "Please Lord, don't let me feel so alone, give me your word and Spirit so I can be filled again!" To be honest, I was hoping for some kind of revival, but I felt nothing and simply sat there. My sister came in around 11:30 and asked if she could sleep in my room. We laid in my bed and chatted like little girls, yet I still felt lonely even when my best friend was sitting next to me. I tossed and turned and didn't feel comfortable and laid awake till about 2:40 a.m. I knew that God would never leave me nor forsake me, but why in these moments did I not feel Him? Why did I feel so uncomfortable and utterly alone? I couldn't understand it.

It's now the next morning and I am currently sitting in the silence of my big empty home, with the coffee pot empty and my textbooks sitting next to me spread open across the table. I looked out the windows and stared at the lake, which mirrored the trees as if the lake were glass and I couldn't help but be reminded of the Lords gentleness.

Sometimes we expect God to appear in miraculous ways, bold and booming voices with lightening and powerful actions, that sometimes we look past the moments when he is there in the quiet and stillness of life with a small quiet whisper, calling out to us.



1 Kings 19:11-12 "The Lord said 'Go stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by'. Then a great and powerful wind came and tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind, there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper."