Bitter Heart

In less than 4 days I will be in the midst of finals. Unfortunately all my finals are on one day; Monday. At the moment I'm filled with nothing but anger and frustration to the point of just wanting to throw my laptop across the room and say "forget it!" But even in the bitterness and frustration, God can bring peace in the storms.

As I'm writing, I have a massive build up of emotions. I want to cry because I'm stressed. I'm angry because of mistakes and all the things I have yet to finish, (yet I decide to write in my blog instead). I'm bitter towards all the other schools that are already finished. I'm frustrated because I still don't know what I'll be doing for a job as summer rolls around. I want to be outside, on the beach, riding my bike, basking in the sun and not have a worry in life, but I know that isn't a possibility.

I want to scream and cry out to God with all my anger and ask him to take it away and cast it down, but yet I still feel it building up as if I ate too much and I can't swallow. It's difficult to know that in the storms of life with all the stress and anger, that God can bring peace to those who are weary. All we have to do is ask, be still and just be in His presence. Sometimes as humans we get caught up in the busyness of life. Cars drive faster to get to their destination rather than rolling down their window and enjoying the view of the drive. Companies cut back on lunch breaks so their employees get more work done with lesser time to relax and more time to get things done. According to the Journal of American Medicine, only 43 percent of families eat a meal together every day. We eat when its convenient, not having the patience for others to sit down and spend time with us. Our stress can control us and how we live letting it be the reins to how our day can play out. Sometimes we just have to be still and God will bring us rest from our weariness and peace from the bitterness, away from the buzz of our phones, the chatter and the cars whizzing by.

So this week, I challenge you, even if you are in the middle of finals, to just take five, ten minutes or maybe even half an hour to just be still and to be with God. Don't think about what you have to do in an hour from now or even a day let alone a week from now, but just let God's Spirit come and flow through you. He is an all powerful God with the ability to bring the peace and rest when we are in desperate need for it.

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."

Mothers

My mom and I have many memories together. The good, the bad and the ugly are all included. We have had our share of fights, heart felt conversations, shopping outings and laughable embarrassing moments, but being now in college and older than what I was in high school, my love for my mom has expanded to a whole new level.

Being a sophomore in college, I am now starting to realize some of the qualities I have in myself that I so clearly got from my mother. One of them would be my ever forgetful memory of having my glasses on my face while searching the house high and low for where I had apparently misplaced them or having my purse on my shoulder when I thought I had left it in a store. Whatever the quality I have received from my mom, I have learned more from her than she probably knows. I am an observer. I learn things by watching and through hands on rather than being instructed what to do, and through the years I have observed my mom and have seen the beautiful things as well as the struggles. What I have picked up over the years is that my mom has a true heart of gold that no other person could replace. She loves on everyone that walks through the door being a servant of the Lord and a warrior of Christ. She also is a mom that knows her facts. Several times my family has thought they knew their trivia, but mom somehow know otherwise. I have watched her read her Bible almost every night growing up as she sat with a pen in hand making marks and reading slowly and diligently. I have seen her cry and hurt when she had lost her own mother and my beautiful grandmother. I have watched her struggle and have a heart for kids that come into her office at school that have a rough home life. I have seen her fight for the impossible and find the beauty in the smallest of things.

I have learned that my mother is a true woman of God, and I strive to be like that someday caring for her children and husband with a beautiful love that is indescribable with words.I have always looked up to my mom, even now that I stand five inches taller and give her my hand-me-downs but she will always stand taller than me with the confidence and passion she portrays.
Happy Mothers Day mom. I look forward to the many talks,walks and memories to come.

Proverbs 31:10, 25-30 "Who can find a virtuous woman? She is far more precious than jewels...Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle. Her sons rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also praises her: Many women are capable, but you surpass them all! Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

Single Servings

I go to a private Christian University, otherwise known as a bridal college. At my college, there is three categories of people: the singles, the daters, and the marrieds.

Coming into my freshman year of college in 2011, I made a commitment to be single for the entire year and not focus on dating but rather making friends, getting in the grove of college, strengthening my faith with God and attempting my swing at good grades, and let me just say, I did just that. During that entire year, I made awesome friendships, had sporadic outgoings, pulled some pranks, made good grades and grew immensely in my faith with Jesus Christ. Being single during that time had its many ups and downs, but all in all was one of the best decisions I had ever made.
After my year and a half of saying goodbye to dating, I got into a relationship around Christmas of 2012. I was excited and pumped to begin a new journey in the new category of people at Bethel. Although, coming to this bridal college has its consequences as well; the influences. Everyone at my college tends to have a "ring by spring" or get married at a young age, and it is something that can effect you without realizing it's happening. Being a girl that my dream job is planning weddings, it is something I think about often and try not to get caught up in letting my mind wander into what may be in my future.
Not that long ago, my brother-in-law was in the cities and took me out for lunch and kind of gave me a good slap across the head with words. He reminded me not to get caught up in the Bethel relationship living and to just enjoy my dating relationship that I had going for the moment and just have fun and enjoy each others company. I mean he was right, there is no need to get serious so fast, but just enjoy the new stages of life as they come which was something that needed to be said.
Tonight I talked with a friend where she told me her struggles with singleness and had recently attended a friends wedding that had placed the category of singleness heavy on her shoulders. I couldn't help but relate with how difficult singleness was when I was in that category but all the good things I had learned and grew from that time.



This last weekend, my sister got engaged to the man of her dreams and I couldn't be more happy for her and her fiance as well as gaining a new brother. Everything about their engagement was beautiful including the ring.
Within a weekend, I was reminded of so many levels of relationships. The season of singleness, the dating and building season and the season of engagement and marriage to what can be for the rest of your life. I realized that whatever stage you are in at the moment to just enjoy it and ultimately give praise to the One who has given you this time and the life to enjoy these seasons of joy and trial. Don't get discouraged or fret that you are single, because in good time, God will bring that significant other. Don't get frustrated if you are dating and don't have a ring yet, because that should be a time for growth, learning and getting to know the person you are with. Don't be anxious when you finally have that ring moving towards your wedding, but embrace the time of planning and being with your significant other in a whole new level and meaning of a relationship. And when you're married, love each other unconditionally, serve one another humbly, care for each other deeply and continue to praise our Father above just as you have been for all the other stages of life.

Ephesians 4:2 "with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love."

Dancing with Jesus

On Wednesday nights I go to a young adults Bible study near the University I attend. I've been attending for about 4 months now and I couldn't be more pleased with how I have been receiving God's word and worshiping with fellow believers, but this last Wednesday was different, I danced with Jesus.

Growing up, we always seemed to have music playing throughout our house, whether that was Jack Johnson with a little Louis Armstrong What a Wonderful World, Christmas music during the holidays or the piano being plunked on by little kids. But one thing I've admired the most while the notes flowed through the house, was our families sporadic dancing, and not just as kids, but still goes on today as we are all now grown both in and out of college with families and nieces and nephews. And as my dad grabbed my hand and spun me around in circles to the sound of The Painter Song, by Norah Jones, I was always led with guidance and direction. Although we were not always the most coordinated at dancing, my dad still led me in the steps to the song, just as our Heavenly Father leads us with strong hands.

Last Wednesday night across the room, a girl was dancing and jumping, waving her hands in the air worshiping the Lord with all she had possible in her. There was no stopping her or holding her back from expressing her true love for God. She was on her knees, she was jumping in the air, she spun in circles and sang at the top of her lungs in worship. I couldn't help but giggle because I knew her feelings of being so in love with her Heavenly Father that all she wanted to do was dance. In 2 Samuel, David danced with all his might before the Lord because the Ark of the Lord was entering the city. He was so excited and so in love with God that he couldn't help but dance through the city as God directed his steps in worship. I told God that I too wanted to dance with Him. I wanted to be that little girl again dancing with my dad, expressing my true affection as He led me through the notes and words. I asked my Heavenly Daddy to dance with me that night and guide me, leading me through worship. I went towards the front where the worship band was playing and raised my hands in worship as I sang with all I had and danced with Jesus. He took my hand and guided me like I was a little girl again dancing with my dad. He led me through the steps while all I could do was smile and feel my heart swell with love as I danced off with Him.

Psalms 149:3 "Let them praise His name with dancing, and make music to Him with a tambourine and harp."