Deep Waters

I have lived in the same town, the same house and the same bedroom since I was born.While growing up in this tiny little town, one can quickly find out that there isn't much to do during their time spent here, so during my time of figuring out what to do during the summer months, was to swim. I taught myself how to swim at the young age of three and was in the water from the early mornings till the sun would set in the evenings. My mom was even so afraid that I would wander off and drown in the lake that when I would wake up in the mornings she would strap a life jacket on me instantly in case I decided to jump in the water. My main wardrobe was my swimsuit; I lived in it. But now being in my 20's and no longer needing a life jacket, this last summer I have found myself lost in deep waters.

July has been a month filled with every emotion possible. With trying to move on from the past seeking new beginnings and gaining friendships I still can't help but feel that I'm gasping for air as the water starts to engulf me. Last night I felt as if I had reached my breaking point and needless to say I ended up breaking. I felt tired and weak as I walked to my bedroom and without any notice, I started to cry. I let my emotions that had been bottled up for this entire month spill out. I felt so much anger and rage, yet complete sadness and utter loneliness. Past thoughts, shame and guilt rose to the surface filling me with a sense of worthlessness. Satan saw my weakness and used it as a source to break me down to the feeling of drowning. I needed saving fast because I knew that I couldn't get past these emotions on my own. I tried praying but I felt myself just yelling at God rather than seeking him. I tried listening to my worship music but I got annoyed fast when it wasn't the song I wanted. I tried to sleep but the tears kept coming. I picked up my Bible and opened it to Isaiah 43 where God spoke to me.

Isaiah 43:1 "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name. You are mine."  I cried harder and questioned God. Father am I truly yours? Do you call me by my name? Why would you want to redeem me?

Isaiah 43:2 "When you pass through the deep waters, I will be with you. And when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you."  Lord thank you for saving me when I was drowning. Thank you for not leaving me when I am passing through these deep waters.

Isaiah 43:4 & 5 "You are precious and honored in my sight; I love you...Do not be afraid for I am with you."  Lord do you really view me as precious? I know you love me, but I am afraid. Help me to remember that you are always with me. Give me strength and courage to believe and trust. Give me discernment and clarity to understand your will and desires for my life. Help me to become the woman of god you are calling me to be.

God had redeemed me from the deep dark waters. He wrapped me in his love and warmth where I knew I couldn't be harmed. He showed his immense love by calling me by name. He kept me safe when I was afraid and feared the unknown. Although the deep waters have not gone completely and throughout my life I know I will face more waves, I know that our Father has not forgotten me or has left me to fend for myself, but walked through the waters with me when I was afraid. He walks with us through every wave and storm that may come our way. Do not be afraid...for I Am with you.